I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Randomize
