why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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