You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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