The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
