Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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