he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
