it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize