At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My ass is underappreciated
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
