The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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