I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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