He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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