is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
