The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize