physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
