There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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