My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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