I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
