first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
