I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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