Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
