yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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