I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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