I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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