I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
