I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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