kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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