She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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