i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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