Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
3 2 1 whiskey
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
