Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize