so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
