I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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