I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
