did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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