Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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