Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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