You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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