my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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