He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
