I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think i have herpe
just one?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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