wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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