I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
