I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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