Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize