just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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