so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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