Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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