i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
