your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
