Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
