My liver just broke up with me...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
