I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
