Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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