Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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