u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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