I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
