I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
