I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
