just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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