I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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