so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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