When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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