I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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