Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
