Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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