Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sext me about skeletons
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
