How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
