Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we're so committed to being not committed
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
