after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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