You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize