The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is classic penis vs brain.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
