am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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