Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Four minutes until I can fart!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
