I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
