he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
