I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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