Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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