What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
