Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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