He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
