Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
