you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
