Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize