Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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